Giving your partner just one orgasm is cause for celebration. But giving your partner multiple orgasms? Well, that’s enough reason to throw a freaking parade.
That said, one small note: the ability to come more than once comes (pun intended) far more easier for women than it does for guys. A man has to wait for their refractory period to pass before they’re ready for round two, but women don’t seem to need the same reloading phase, says Men’s Health sex advisor Debby Herbenick, Ph.D. So the following information applies almost exclusively to women and not men. (For more information about how to give your male partner multiple orgasms, check out this story.)
But just because a woman can come twice in a row doesn’t mean that she will. Studies suggest that somewhere between 14 and 40 percent of women have had multiple orgasms in one session.
So how do you help her become one of the lucky ones? Here are steps you can take to try and give her multiple orgasms.
1) Make sure she wants to have multiple orgasms to begin with.
Some women would rather cuddle after climaxing than be pressured into an encore. Plus, women differ dramatically in regard to how they can achieve one orgasm, let alone multiple orgasms, so it’s possible she may be too sensitive to want to go again for Round Two. Always check in with her before trying to make her come again, and never make her feel bad if she can’t pull off a repeat performance. (It’s like, come on guys, how often are you coming three, four, or five times in a night?
2) Let go of any goals you’ve set for the night.
On a similar note, don’t put any expectations on her. You DON’T want to say something like, “I want you to come five times tonight.” Even if she wants to orgasm five times, it adds a lot of pressure. “The brain is by far the most important sexual organ, so if your partner feels as though there is an expectation to have multiple orgasms, then it’s probably won’t happen,” explains Cory B., kink coach and sex educator. “Instead, focus simply on facilitating an environment of pleasure for the sake of pleasure.”
3) Create lots of sexual tension.
Building up desire is a precursor to any sexual activity. But creating copious amounts of sexual tension can be just what she needs to achieve a bonus orgasm. “You want her to retain her feelings of overall arousal when her body starts to relax after having the first orgasm,” says Amie Harwick, author of The New Sex Bible for Women. So take a few minutes’ break in between. Give her a massage or just cuddle.
4) Keep her idling.
After she has an orgasm, give her clitoris a short break, as it becomes super sensitive for many women immediately after sex, says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman. If you’re too focused on that area, she may not be ready to go again.
5) Don’t ignore her breasts and butt.
During the time you’re idling, you can and should still attempt to keep her aroused. “Since after a clitoral orgasm, going right back into clitoral stimulation can be a lot to handle since the clit is super sensitive, try some internal or anal stimulation to give the clit a much needed break,” says Cory B. You can also play with her breasts and whisper in her ear about how beautiful she is. Your goal is to keep her in a semi-aroused state so you don’t have to start from scratch to bring her back to the top of the mountain.
6) Rev things back up.
After a woman has an orgasm, the blood that rushes to her genitals during sex lingers, making it easier for her to climax again, Kerner says. He advises men to prime their partner for round two with some dirty talk. Talking dirty will signal to your partner that the momentum is still strong.
7) Return your attention to her genitals.
“Start with a light touch,” says Kerner. “Try lightly circling your finger or tongue over her clitoris slowly, and then work up to more extreme stimulation with an increasingly faster pace, more pressure, and intensity until she’s ready to go again.” Starting with a slow, sensual touch gives your partner more time prepare for the next one.
8) Breathe with your partner.
“We often forget to be conscious of our breath during sex,” says Cory B. “Breathing allows us to connect in a deeper way with our body and to our partner’s body. Having your partner breathe slowly and deeply while stimulating them will increase the likelihood of an orgasm, especially if it’s not the first one of the night.”
9) Try a new route.
There’s nothing wrong with sticking with what works, but you can also try bringing her to orgasm by attending to a different erogenous zone. This can work particularly well if her clitoris is still sensitive from round one. Experiment sensually with other areas like the neck, ears, and toes and see how your partner reacts.
10) Alternate between sex positions.
Novelty encourages the release of the feel-good chemical dopamine, which may help her orgasm faster, says Kerner. Aim for her G-spot with positions like woman on top or doggy-style. The change in position will keep your partner on her toes.
11) Don’t be afraid to kick it up a notch.
Feeling more adventurous? Some women can climax from nipple stimulation, research finds. Lightly trace circles on her nipples with your fingers or tongue, building pressure as you go, or try sucking on them. Want to crank it up another notch? Stimulate the area between her vagina and anus with your tongue, suggests Ava Cadell, Ph.D., author of Idiot’s Guides: The Kama Sutra. Some women find it mind-blowing—but you want to check with her first.
12) Take a full stop before round two (or three).
While sometimes it can be easier to have her reach multiple orgasms if they follow one after the other, other times, you need to come to a full stop. This isn’t just giving her clitoris a break, it’s giving her whole body a break. “The body needs time to recharge after orgasm, so taking a rest period after each orgasm can increase the chances of it happening again,” says Cory B. “During these breaks, drink water, eat a light snack, cuddle, and just chill out. Remember, it’s a marathon, not a sprint.”
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